Analysis

 

This is my script that I have been writing with Sophie and Mak. Meg had to give me feedback by highlighting the parts of my writing in these colours:

Actions:Red

Speech:Blue

Environment:Green

Appearance:Yellow

I can tell that we have done a good job of describing her actions but we need to describe her appearance and the environment.

EXT. FOREST - DAY  

Persephone and Mary walking in the forest. Mary holding her dress and stepping carefully. Persephone walking up straight with bold armor.

MARY (with loathing)

Fie! I misprise the forest with all the no more brain than stone mud and dirt! We are going to die out hither!

 

Mary kicks some stones and then falls down. Persephone sighs and helps her up.

PERSEPHONE 

Mary! Thou art brother hast been stolen by the Redmond kingdom and thou art out h're complaining and we art not going to die

Mary huffs and keeps walking with Persephone. After a few seconds the shot changes to Mary's face, close up shot.

MARY

How didst thee even becometh mine own brother's knight? thou art just a mistress, thee can’t do whatever thee wanteth.  Thee shouldst be cleaning and s'rving thy husband 'r something

Shot changes to Persephone's face and then back to front view of both of them, middle shot. 

PERSEPHONE

A mistress can do everything a sir can do and bett'r. Thee has't grown up being toldeth your nothing just because thou art a mistress thee has't to has't a husband to be valid and be love.  At which hour very much all thee needeth is yourself and some sort of weapon

Changes to Mary's face with a confused face, close up shot. Mary changes her face to calm. 

MARY

Nevermind, thee still answer mine own question, Persephone. How did thee becometh mine own brother's knight?

Middle shot of both of them. Then close up shots of Persephone.

PERSEPHONE

Well I guess it all did start at when I hath lived in the village  when I wast younger.  I wast dainty and lonely living with mine father, he wast the one who did teach me how to square. When he died i just couldn't stand it.  I ranneth off and ranneth into Prince Edward.  He wast running also and he hath tried to square me.  He did fail.

Persephone laughed. Shot changes to a side close up shot of Persephone.

PERSEPHONE

  Time past and we becometh the best of friends.  He hath brought me the the kingdom and then he madeth me his knight.  But we shouldst beest getting along- 

Shot changes to middle shot of Mary and Persephone. Loud noise. Both Persephone and Mary freeze with shocked faces. Shot changes to behind them and then they both slowly turn around. Camera moves upward.

MARY

Yep, we art totally going to die.

Scene ends.